This is the want: the protagonist desires some sweet milky tea, around six in the evening. It is early October, and monsoon is turning to winter in Mumbai. The path to the cafe is barely lit; the air around the place is diluted, liquid. Dry leaves scattered on the path crunch and flatten as the protagonist crosses the paved courtyard. Outlines of bird droppings are hidden by the leaves, white on the brown-green brickwork. He has almost reached the cafe; two more turns and a small walkway ahead the cafe is lit in bright yellow light against the last light of the day. Even though he is yet to see this scene, he knows it. He knows that there will be light and there will be people and there will be sound. A pair of headphones surround his ears, actively struggling against the noise, and a tinted pair of spectacles cut down the light that enters his eyes by half. Yet, the presence of others—a presence that shares not only the light and soundscape of his world, but the whole world itself—scrapes itself on his being. Yes; if the pair of headphones and the pair of spectacles shield him from the world to a measurable and thus real extent, there is no way of shielding himself from the presence of others. This time it is not a mere reluctance to be around people but a definite want not to be among them.
Here is the conflict: he desires tea, but the desire is thwarted by the world. What does he do? He turns back. The conflict is resolved by his turning back, leaving the tea un-drunk. Un-ordered. Un-made. Maybe un-made is the word that can describe both the tea and the person who went back without getting the tea. Some sense of not having been made-for-a-purpose. It is not that the tea was not there—it surely was. But it was not made for him. Likewise, he existed, he did. But it was not for the world. What both the un-made tea and the un-made protagonist were lacking was a towards-which. What caused the tea to be un-made was the protagonist’s not-showing-up. What caused this not-showing-up? The intolerable-ness of the world caused this. The desire exists, the world exists. But the conditions within which this desire can be fulfilled are intolerable.